Here We Go Again . . .

so, it has been a couple of weeks since my last post.  in that amount of time i have pretty much stayed away from wheat and i have not had any soda pop.  i did make waffles using a bit (about a 1/2 cup) of spelt flour, and last weekend i made chocolate chip cookies using a cup of white wheat flour (the rest was coconut flour).  i was asked not to make them that way again!  over the past couple of weekends i  also had my beloved homemade hot cocoa, with whole milk AND whipped cream.  it was heavenly!   i have also indulged my craving for chocolate -- not just dark chocolate, but specifically M & M's. then last night, we went out to dinner at a favorite restaurant that we had not been to in years.   we had cheese fondue with chunks of bread and sausage.  for my entree, i had chicken jagerschnitzel (chicken breast that has been pounded thin and then breaded and sauteed.) with mashed potatoes and a sourdough roll. for dessert i had a bowl of sweetened strawberries with whipped cream.  over the past two weeks i did not keep track of calories, and my activity level has dropped.  i am still exercising and walking, but my seasonal part time job is done until august, and it is a very physical job that keeps me moving and standing most of the day.

as you can probably imagine, i am now seeing the consequences of my choices.  my stomach was unsettled a for a few days earlier this week.  i have been extra sleepy.  my hands are puffy and my tummy is bloated. and after last night's dinner, i could not sleep in bed -- i had to sleep sitting up on the couch because i was so full.  i was popping tums all evening.  the worst consequence of all is i have gained 8 lbs.  in 2 weeks.  in the month of april i lost a total of 11 lbs.  then i lost an additional 5 lbs at the beginning of may.  in the last 2 weeks, i have gained 8 lbs, and that is with skipping lunch now and then because i wasn't hungry.  i am upset that my sugar cravings came back. thankfully, i am still down a full 8 lbs. from where i started on apirl 1st, so i feel good about that.

what does this experience tell me?  first, i CANNOT be trusted around sweets!!!  not even 72% dark chocolate.  also, i am one of those people that must stay active to keep the weight off. and even after all this time, i apparently still cannot accurately judge how many calories i am eating without recording them.

so what happens now?  my husband and i have decided to do another 30 days of fairly restricted eating (he also gained weight in may, and he is way more active than me!)  our anniversary is this month, so we are giving ourselves permission to have anything we want for our anniversary dinner.  i will probably allow myself to go ahead and use butter instead of restricting myself to ghee, but other than that, i will again be avoiding dairy, sugar, legumes, wheat and other grains.  i will keep track of my calories most days.  i will increase my exercise.  most importantly, when the month of june is over,  i will NOT be giving myself permission to add unhealthy foods back into my diet.  i made a commitment to myself a year and a half ago that i would get healthy.  i keep saying to people, why would i want to eat any other way when eating paleo makes me feel so good? more than that, i feel WELL.  for so many years i have felt less than well.  eating "clean", eating "paleo", or whatever you want to call it, makes me feel well, and even if that is the only benefit (it's not the only benefit, trust me!) that makes it worthwhile.  i say again, when i can eat healthy protein and fats, all the veggies i want and some fruit, lose weight and not be hungry doing it, why would i NOT want to embrace that lifestyle?

i am not perfect.  i stumble, i make mistakes, i do things that i know better than to do.  and yet, every day is an opportunity to start fresh, to learn from my mistakes, to take one step forward instead of two steps back.  that day for me is today.  starting fresh and giving myself permission to be healthy!