Thursday, June 21, 2012

i have been feeling a bit moody lately.  this is the 3rd time i have tried writing this post, and i have made numerous changes every time.  seriously, i just could not decide what to write.

earlier this month i was really concentrating on getting back on track after gaining some weight and the numbers on the scale started to move back down.  then, i became distracted, made some bad food choices and now am back where i started at the beginning of june.  

it is very difficult for me to not be hard on myself when i fall short of the expectations i have set.  i don't necessarily think they are unrealistic (most of the time) but i do become very critical when i fail to accomplish my goals.  it becomes very self defeating, and i struggle with that a lot.  i tend to lose sight of what i HAVE accomplished, and i focus more on my perception that others have succeeded where i have failed.

life is not a constant stream of successes, though.  what i am beginning to grasp is that even when there is a perceived failure to meet an expectation, be it realistic or not, there is an opportunity for learning.  i have learned which foods are healthy and which are not.  i have found that i need to exercise both my body and my mind.  i learned many years ago that i need to eat breakfast, and that my breakfast must include protein.  i have known for a long time that my sugar intake can quickly spiral out of control.  i have no problem giving up grains or beans, and i can even live without dairy.  sugar, however, in one form or another, is the thing that seems to sneak in when even when i am trying my hardest.  

i think what happened is that i gave myself permission to eat some treats after my month of total sugar abstinence.  it was the first time in my life i had ever gone that long without sugar, and i was amazed that my sugar cravings were pretty much gone.  i felt like i would finally be able to have a reasonable treat, then be done, without triggering that feeling of "i need more!" 

WRONG!!!  that old feeling of needing more sugar, especially when distracted, bored or anxious has come back with a vengeance.  i am not eating anywhere near the amount of sugar in my diet as i did before paleo, but the fact that the cravings have returned have confirmed to me that it is an issue.  i was reading a blog post the other day that was written by a self-described sugar addict who has also gone paleo.  i finally felt i was not alone, that someone else out there understood what it felt like to be totally focused on finding something to satisfy that craving.  

so now what do i do?  at the moment, the thought of giving up conventionally made treats seems sad and impossible to me.  but then again, a year ago, the thought of losing over 40 lbs. seemed impossible.  i did it, although not  overnight.  i am not perfect,  i may not change overnight, but i want to be healthy.  so here i go again.  and one of the things that spurs me on is looking at these pictures:

                                                                 taken in november, 2010

                                                               taken in june, 2012

over 100 lbs. gone between the two of us.  we feel better, move easier, and sleep better.  so many benefits that make giving up unhealthy foods (like those containing sugar)  worthwhile.  

today is a new day.  i am in control of the choices i make.  i choose to be healthy!

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