i have been feeling a bit moody lately.  this is the 3rd time i have tried writing this post, and i have made numerous changes every time.  seriously, i just could not decide what to write.


earlier this month i was really concentrating on getting back on track after gaining some weight and the numbers on the scale started to move back down.  then, i became distracted, made some bad food choices and now am back where i started at the beginning of june.  

it is very difficult for me to not be hard on myself when i fall short of the expectations i have set.  i don't necessarily think they are unrealistic (most of the time) but i do become very critical when i fail to accomplish my goals.  it becomes very self defeating, and i struggle with that a lot.  i tend to lose sight of what i HAVE accomplished, and i focus more on my perception that others have succeeded where i have failed.

life is not a constant stream of successes, though.  what i am beginning to grasp is that even when there is a perceived failure to meet an expectation, be it realistic or not, there is an opportunity for learning.  i have learned which foods are healthy and which are not.  i have found that i need to exercise both my body and my mind.  i learned many years ago that i need to eat breakfast, and that my breakfast must include protein.  i have known for a long time that my sugar intake can quickly spiral out of control.  i have no problem giving up grains or beans, and i can even live without dairy.  sugar, however, in one form or another, is the thing that seems to sneak in when even when i am trying my hardest.  

i think what happened is that i gave myself permission to eat some treats after my month of total sugar abstinence.  it was the first time in my life i had ever gone that long without sugar, and i was amazed that my sugar cravings were pretty much gone.  i felt like i would finally be able to have a reasonable treat, then be done, without triggering that feeling of "i need more!" 

WRONG!!!  that old feeling of needing more sugar, especially when distracted, bored or anxious has come back with a vengeance.  i am not eating anywhere near the amount of sugar in my diet as i did before paleo, but the fact that the cravings have returned have confirmed to me that it is an issue.  i was reading a blog post the other day that was written by a self-described sugar addict who has also gone paleo.  i finally felt i was not alone, that someone else out there understood what it felt like to be totally focused on finding something to satisfy that craving.  


so now what do i do?  at the moment, the thought of giving up conventionally made treats seems sad and impossible to me.  but then again, a year ago, the thought of losing over 40 lbs. seemed impossible.  i did it, although not  overnight.  i am not perfect,  i may not change overnight, but i want to be healthy.  so here i go again.  and one of the things that spurs me on is looking at these pictures:

                                                                 taken in november, 2010

                                                               taken in june, 2012


over 100 lbs. gone between the two of us.  we feel better, move easier, and sleep better.  so many benefits that make giving up unhealthy foods (like those containing sugar)  worthwhile.  


today is a new day.  i am in control of the choices i make.  i choose to be healthy!
                                                             

Here We Go Again . . .

so, it has been a couple of weeks since my last post.  in that amount of time i have pretty much stayed away from wheat and i have not had any soda pop.  i did make waffles using a bit (about a 1/2 cup) of spelt flour, and last weekend i made chocolate chip cookies using a cup of white wheat flour (the rest was coconut flour).  i was asked not to make them that way again!  over the past couple of weekends i  also had my beloved homemade hot cocoa, with whole milk AND whipped cream.  it was heavenly!   i have also indulged my craving for chocolate -- not just dark chocolate, but specifically M & M's. then last night, we went out to dinner at a favorite restaurant that we had not been to in years.   we had cheese fondue with chunks of bread and sausage.  for my entree, i had chicken jagerschnitzel (chicken breast that has been pounded thin and then breaded and sauteed.) with mashed potatoes and a sourdough roll. for dessert i had a bowl of sweetened strawberries with whipped cream.  over the past two weeks i did not keep track of calories, and my activity level has dropped.  i am still exercising and walking, but my seasonal part time job is done until august, and it is a very physical job that keeps me moving and standing most of the day.

as you can probably imagine, i am now seeing the consequences of my choices.  my stomach was unsettled a for a few days earlier this week.  i have been extra sleepy.  my hands are puffy and my tummy is bloated. and after last night's dinner, i could not sleep in bed -- i had to sleep sitting up on the couch because i was so full.  i was popping tums all evening.  the worst consequence of all is i have gained 8 lbs.  in 2 weeks.  in the month of april i lost a total of 11 lbs.  then i lost an additional 5 lbs at the beginning of may.  in the last 2 weeks, i have gained 8 lbs, and that is with skipping lunch now and then because i wasn't hungry.  i am upset that my sugar cravings came back. thankfully, i am still down a full 8 lbs. from where i started on apirl 1st, so i feel good about that.

what does this experience tell me?  first, i CANNOT be trusted around sweets!!!  not even 72% dark chocolate.  also, i am one of those people that must stay active to keep the weight off. and even after all this time, i apparently still cannot accurately judge how many calories i am eating without recording them.

so what happens now?  my husband and i have decided to do another 30 days of fairly restricted eating (he also gained weight in may, and he is way more active than me!)  our anniversary is this month, so we are giving ourselves permission to have anything we want for our anniversary dinner.  i will probably allow myself to go ahead and use butter instead of restricting myself to ghee, but other than that, i will again be avoiding dairy, sugar, legumes, wheat and other grains.  i will keep track of my calories most days.  i will increase my exercise.  most importantly, when the month of june is over,  i will NOT be giving myself permission to add unhealthy foods back into my diet.  i made a commitment to myself a year and a half ago that i would get healthy.  i keep saying to people, why would i want to eat any other way when eating paleo makes me feel so good? more than that, i feel WELL.  for so many years i have felt less than well.  eating "clean", eating "paleo", or whatever you want to call it, makes me feel well, and even if that is the only benefit (it's not the only benefit, trust me!) that makes it worthwhile.  i say again, when i can eat healthy protein and fats, all the veggies i want and some fruit, lose weight and not be hungry doing it, why would i NOT want to embrace that lifestyle?

i am not perfect.  i stumble, i make mistakes, i do things that i know better than to do.  and yet, every day is an opportunity to start fresh, to learn from my mistakes, to take one step forward instead of two steps back.  that day for me is today.  starting fresh and giving myself permission to be healthy!

How did THAT happen?

so we are into our third week post whole30 challenge.  i have been watching my progress on the scale, and while there have been some ups and downs, it appears i have lost another 5 lbs so far during the month of may, for a total weight loss since january 1, 2011 of 48 lbs.  HOLY MAMA!!!  i was really surprised when i stepped on the scale this morning. i have been eating plenty of food (seriously -- you can trust me on that one!).  I have eaten some sugar (72% dark chocolate, a little ketchup, a little sugar on some strawberries) and some dairy (cheddar cheese, HOT COCOA!!!!), but not every day.  i have continued to avoid wheat and grains (mostly because there hasn't been anything that i wanted to risk feeling yucky for.  when there is something that is worth it, then we will see what happens.) 

i have not been keeping track of my calories, but i have tried to keep exercising consistently.  most days i try to do both light weights and walking, but some days it is just one or the other (like today -- i just had time for a light leg workout). today i also did 30 sit ups!!! whoooo hooo!!!

the main problem i have had is with drinking water.  i don't like plain water.  this has always been an issue for me.  i don't like the texture of water.  does anyone else think water has a texture?  to me, any water won't work. different brands of bottled waters have different characteristics, and i have my preferences.  the filtered water we get from our refrigerator is pretty good.  living in the pacific northwest, we are very lucky to have high quality water to drink, so i really don't have any excuse to buy bottled water, do i?  i do keep water with me all the time, but i just don't drink it all.  i am also taking a prescribed diuretic, so if i drink too much water, well, you know what happens!

i am still eating protein at every meal.  here is what i had for dinner last night -- grass fed ground beef  seasoned with mexican seasonings, topped with mashed avocado and salsa, and accompanied by a green salad that included tomatoes and cucumbers.  it was yummy, but i ate too much too late in the evening and for the first time in a long time i had take some tums.

  
here is another recipe for you.  if you are like my husband and i, we like eggs, and we eat them for breakfast almost every morning, but sometimes a little variety is nice.  this recipe is for homemade breakfast sausage, and it comes from the "paleo comfort foods" cookbook, by julie and charles mayfield.  i have made this sausage and it was really good.  what i like best is that you can tailor the seasonings to suit your family's tastes.

  homemade breakfast sausage

1 lb ground pork
1 tsp kosher salt
3/4 tsp pepper
2 tsp fresh sage leaves, finely chopped*
1 tsp fresh thyme, finely chopped**
1/4 tsp fresh rosemary, finely chopped***
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

Take ground pork and mix with all the ingredients.  Form into 2-inch-wide patties.  Heat a skillet over medium heat.  Place sausage patties in skillet and cook until browned, then flip over and continue cooking until sausage is fully cooked through. 

i wanted a large amount of sausage so i used 1 lb of ground pork and 2 lbs of ground turkey.  i then tripled the seasonings to accommodate the larger amount of protein.  i also browned the sausage in a little olive oil in the skillet. 

* fresh sage is great if you have it, but if not, use approximately 1 tsp dried sage.  ** again, fresh is great but if you use dried, just use half the stated amount, so 1/2 tsp of dried thyme.  ***ditto the fresh, if you use dried use 1/8 tsp of dried rosemary.

after eating this sausage, my husband suggested that i include some fennel seed in the next batch.  i haven't made it again (yet) but when i do, i will add about 1/2 tsp dried fennel seed to 3 lbs of protein. 

enjoy!!

Happy As A Clam!

last weekend we went to the coast, where we have a small house just north of long beach, washington. long beach is on a 22 mile long peninsula in southwest washington.  the peninsula is surrounded by the pacific ocean on one side and  willapa bay on the other side.  we always have a fun, relaxing time when we go.  here is the link to the long beach peninsula website.  it is full of information on all the activities you can enjoy if you go.  one of our favorite activities to do there is clamming.  when there is a minus tide (meaning an extremely low tide) we drive about 45 minutes around to the mainland side of willapa bay to our favorite clamming spot, and we get out our rakes and bags and start digging for steamer clams. 

if we pick the right spot, every draw of the rake across the sand can yield at least one clam, sometimes more.  shellfish licenses are required, and each person can keep up to 40 clams.  on this day, my husband, my son and i limited out in less than 30 minutes! here are the results of our labor:

i couldn't wait to make our favorite clam recipe for dinner.  it is chef mario batali's recipe for manila clams with pancetta, red chiles and linguine:

1 lb linguine *
1/2 medium red onion, finely minced
1/4 lb pancetta, cut into 1/8th inch dice(our local trader joe's sells packaged diced pancetta that is perfect)**
4 cloves garlic, peeled and finely diced (i use about 2 cloves of garlic -- 4 is too much for me)
6 tblsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp crushed red chile pepper
1 lb manila clams, scrubbed and rinsed
2 cups white wine ***
4 tblsp unsalted butter
1 bunch italian parsley, finely chopped (yield 1/4 cup) (i use dried if fresh isn't available)

bring 6 quarts of water to a boil and add 2 tblsp salt.

in a large saute pan, saute red onion, pancetta and garlic over medium heat until onion is very soft and pancetta is translucent, about 10 minutes.  Add hot chiles clams, white wine and butter and bring to a boil.  cook until all clams have opened, and then set aside.

boil linguine according to package instructions. while softened but still firm, drain in colander over sink and toss into pan with clams and stir gently to mix.  this should still be a little broth-like.  add chopped parsley, pour into warm serving bowls and serve.

* as we are still mostly wheat and grain free, my husband and i had our clams served over zucchini "noodles" -- zucchini that had been cut julienne style and sauteed until it was just starting to soften. 

** i didn't have pancetta available at the time, so i used a pound of bacon that had been diced and sauteed it with the onion.

*** instead of 2 cups of white wine, i used 1 cup of white wine, 1 cup of bottled clam juice and about a 1/2 cup of chicken stock.  that is just how we like it.  i have made it with only the white wine as well, and it is still delicious!

here are the clams as they are cooking:

  and the finished product . . .

i served the clams with a big bowl of roasted mixed veggies for my husband and i, and with noodles sprinkled with parmesan cheese for my son (he is not totally grain free . . . yet!)..  we all scarfed it down in no time.  it was delicious!!!

i hope you are able to try the recipe sometime.  thanks for reading!

waffles and bacon -- finally!!

comfort food at last!!!  last night i decided to fix breakfast for dinner.  bacon and waffles it had to be.  here is my waffle topped with some almond butter.  i have decided i like almond butter better than peanut butter in most cases.  it seems sweeter to me, even when it has no added sugars.  this waffle tasted very good to me, even though it was not my normal recipe.  my current recipe is based on the betty crocker cookbook version, which itself is very good. for those of  you who love waffles and are not eating paleo, here is betty's recipe:    http://caloriecount.about.com/betty-crocker-waffles-recipe-r30241 it is not paleo, however, so i made some changes.  my version is really yummy, but it is not paleo either because it contains spelt flour, which is a grain.  it is higher in protein and lower in gluten than wheat, but it is still a grain product.  so this time i took away the spelt and made it with almond meal, coconut flour and quinoa flour and very little sugar.  it fell apart on the waffle iron and when i finally got one to come off whole, it looked like it was burned.  it wasn't, but it was very brown and fragile. it tasted fine, but the texture wasn't what i wanted.  so back to the drawing board i go, and when i come up with the paleo recipe that works i will post it here.

the bacon was good too, but it was actually a bit of a let down.  here i was anticipating its salty goodness, and while i enjoyed it, i felt like it wasn't necessary to my existence like it had been before the whole30 challenge.  it will be part of our diet occasionally, but i am amazed at how my outlook when it comes to eating has changed so much in such a short time.

today was a bit of a cheat day for me.  i was really hungry after work, so i had a one ounce stick of cheddar cheese.  it was sooooo good!  then it left a really bad taste my mouth that i wasn't expecting, i have eaten this brand many times before, but i will have to think about how important eating cheese is to me.  i also had 2 squares of dark chocolate.  THAT didn't leave a bad taste!! it was fantastic!! :o)

so, another day is done, on to eating healthy tomorrow!!

whole30 challenge, day 31 -- wait, what?!!!

ha ha -- fooled you! you thought the whole30 challenge was over,didn't you?  so did i.  today just didn't present much of an opportunity to eat something different.  i was very busy with my part time job, and only had the time to eat the veggies and fruit i brought -- in my car -- on my way home.  when i finally got home i was able to eat some more protein.  while helping my husband fix dinner, we talked about our experiences over the last month.  we both agreed that we like how we feel. we are amazed that our cravings have diminished so dramatically.  we both lost weight. even though eating the same thing over and over again during the month got a little monotonous, we both agreed that we do really like the food we have been eating.  we are even maybe a bit scared to reintroduce some of the food we were eating before we started the challenge.  for example, wheat will not purposely be on the menu for us anytime soon.  i won't be jumping back into dairy with both feet either.  cheese will come back occasionally, as will butter, but my daily chocolate milk probably should morph into a saturday hot cocoa treat. bacon on weekends will return (hooray!!) as will my own waffle recipe. (but i will eat only a half of a waffle, and i will eat it with almond butter, not butter and syrup.)  right now it is wheat free, but i have been using spelt flour, which has a higher protein content and is lower in gluten than wheat.  i will be working to tweak it to get rid of the spelt, and when i do i will post the recipe.

so -- about my weight loss . . . drumroll please . . . . . . . in the month of april, i lost a total of 11 lbs!!!! that is the most i have ever lost in one month!  i also lost a total of 8 inches from all over my body.  i feel like i have to put in a disclaimer though.  in november of 2011, i had reached my lowest weight to that point, for a total weight loss of 40 lbs.  then between november and the end of march, i gained 8 lbs. i was still eating lots of veggies, good fat and protein.  i had quit soda pop and most wheat products, but i had stopped counting calories, and i indulged my sugar cravings far too frequently.  so, my total weight loss between january of 2011 and may 1, 2012 is 43 lbs.

that is the reason i decided to do the challenge.  i wanted to see if i could get rid of my cravings, and i feel hopeful that i can make better choices now. i know sugar is very addictive for me, so i feel like i need to be very careful about eating it now. 

here i am in february 2011, one month after my husband and i first started our weight loss journey.

here i am a week ago, after 3 weeks on the whole30 challenge (ignore the unmade bed in the background!):

still a work in progress, but i am determined to lose the rest of the weight -- looking at at least 20 more lbs. 
i am also contemplating doing the whole30 challenge again later this year -- now that i know i can do it!


thanks for reading and commenting.  i appreciate your support!

whole30 challenge, day 24 -- 20 Sit Ups!!!!!

so, six more days to go on the whole30 challenge.  it has been an interesting month.  i will say that i am feeling good.  no heartburn, my energy level has gotten better, and today i did 20 sit ups!!! by myself! for not being able to do any at the beginning of the month, that is a huge accomplishment.  i am proud of myself!  i still don't like getting up at 5 am to exercise, i miss chocolate, and i am looking forward to the end of the challenge so our food repertoire can increase a bit.  i do not plan on going back to drinking hot cocoa every day -- i will save it for saturdays, and maybe one other time during the week.  i will not be eating wheat very often -- there are lots of recipes out there for baking that use alternatives like coconut flour and almond meal.  i had started using quinoa flour in my baking as well, but it looks like i need to do further research on that.  some paleo sources say quinoa is not as good for you as the industry would have you believe.  i don't know.  i will do some more reading and will let you know what i find.  and BACON!! it will be our weekend treat once again!!

my eating today was good.  i came in at just under 1600 calories -- 1589 to be exact.  my hunger was kept at bay, and i am thankful for that. for breakfast i had one egg scrambled with an egg white, a large chicken sausage, some leftover veggies and an orange.  it was a lot, so i spread it out over approximately 30 minutes.  for lunch i had a large chicken breast seasoned with cumin, cilantro, chili powder, garlic and basil.  i sliced it into strips and dipped the strips into some homemade guacamole.  yummy!!!  i also had a whole cucumber, some grape tomatoes and about a cup of cantaloupe chunks.  dinner was a baked chicken thigh, some kale sauteed with onions, and an apple.  my total protein intake was 31% of my calories (119 grams), fat came in at 43% (76.2 grams) and carbs totaled 26% (113.7 grams) of my calories for the day.  i also ate 26.3 grams of fiber.  i seem to feel best when my protein intake is more than my carb intake.  that should not be a surprise, but for someone who has lived on mostly carbs for her entire life, the concept is life altering.  i was also happy that my fat intake was less than 50% and that i got my quota of fiber for the day.

for exercise today, i worked on my arms. i did several reps of bicep curls and side arm lifts, both while holding 5 lb weights. next month i am going to try 10 lb weights (i think . . .). i then used a 15 lb weight, held it in both hands, laid down on my back and did a sort of modified bench press (at least that is what i was trying to do!).  i sat up and still using the 15 lb weight, i did a kind of pull down behind my head (again, i can only work with what i have!! lol!)  i also did 10 one armed push ups on each arm (while laying on my side. i haven't tried regular push ups yet.), some arm circles and leg lifts, and for the grand finale, i did 2 sets of 10 sit ups, for a total of 20. my husband and i took our walk in the evening after work, but before dinner.

i ordered some of the books i had originally checked out from the library.  when i get them i will start posting recipes.  i plan on continuing this blog, and will post on some topics relating to memories and scrapbooking as well as on our journey on the paleo path. 

as 5 am comes very early, i will sign off now.  i thank you for reading.